How to : Get an internship

Getting an internship at a prestigious University abroad is a cherished dream for most of us. 3 months in a foreign land, learning new languages, meeting new people (ogling at the really good looking ones), and backpacking through an entire continent is what we all look forward to. But getting an internship is not easy. Which is why as an experienced senior, I feel duty bound to teach all of you the dark arts behind securing your three month vacation to your desired destination.

Step 1 : Curriculum Vitae Our CVs give us the freedom to be everything we want to be. Internship searches give vent to the artist within us, as we try to aggrandize every little accomplishment of ours. Here are some pointers to building the perfect CV:

• Invent festivals, societies, and clubs. Make yourself the chairman/secretary/convener of these fictitious organizations.
• By default, you are a member of the “core team” of Techniche/Alcheringa. Do not forget to mention it in your CV.
• Pick up a sport. Attend training sessions every evening, work hard, and make it to the inter IIT team. Alternatively, you can do neither of the above, claim you are in the inter IIT team anyway, and promise to work hard next year to get into the team. Next year ka next year dekha jaayega.
• Go to a professor in your department who does not recognize you. Beg for a project. If successful, mention the project in your CV (as an ongoing project) and never meet the professor again till your convocation. If unsuccessful, repeat the entire procedure with another professor.
• Search for fancy software/languages on the internet. If you find them even remotely related to your field of work, mention them in your CV as a technical skill. Delude yourself that you can always learn the software if your intern guide asks you to work with it.

Step 2 : The application procedure The entire application procedure can be summed up in a single word : Spam. Do not worry about the effect your actions have on your institute's reputation. Tailored applications have a better chance of success, but they take time to prepare. We are busy people (as evidenced by the amount of educational material available on our LAN). Always enquire about the well being of the professor's family to whom you are applying. Professors abroad reject all applicants that show lack of interest in their family life. If you find that the professor is of the opposite sex and good looking, ask her/him if she/he can give you her/his phone number instead of the internship. Some things are after all more important than your career, eh?

Step 3 : Getting funding There is a particular kind of professor abroad who deceives you into thinking you have obtained an intern. Replies are usually along the lines of “You are most welcome at Timbuktu, provided you can somehow find means to fund your stay here”. When encountering such a professor, it is imperative that you make it abundantly clear that your snake-charming and slum-dwelling family cannot afford an internship, and that you are the Indian equivalent of that Chinese kid from “The girl next door”. (For those readers who have not watched “The girl next door”, the Chinese kid is the next Einstein, and Ms. Elisha Cuthbert is HOT). If the professor is still not convinced, beg and plead some more. Still unsuccessful? Go to Step 2.


If this post lands you in hot waters, the responsible senior that I am will not be in any way liable (Additional advice for those who think the phrase “hot waters” means the beaches of Spain and Portugal - do not give the CAT). May the force be with you!